I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
