He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
