dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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