Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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