You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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