So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Are my feet made of real feet?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
