I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
