I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
