oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
