don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
