He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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