How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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