i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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