If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
