he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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