The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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