We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
