Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
