I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
