She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
