I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
