Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
