wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
