Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
