I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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