We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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