is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
