The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
