kristin has been a bad kristin
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She announced her abortion via fbk
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
