you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
