i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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