I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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