ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
