My hand turned me down
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
