Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
