Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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