I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
