yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
