Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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