I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
