He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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