I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
