I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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