That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
