I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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