found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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