i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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