What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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