3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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