Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
