apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
