She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
is wine microwaveable?
My vagina just recognized that song.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
