You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
