We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
