This girl is more easily done than said...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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